How to Encourage Friends with Infertility
Excerpt from my new book Infertility Journeys, Finding Your Happy Ending
It’s tough knowing the right thing to say to someone who is struggling with a pregnancy loss or infertility. Of course you want to be supportive and give your loved one encouragement in the midst of his or her crisis. You have the best intentions but might not know how to help. Often your presence is the best medicine and shows your care. But when you want to go the extra mile, find a small gift to give your friend. We all love presents—big and small—and it's sure to brighten his/her day.
Encouraging Things You Might Consider Saying
- “I am sorry for your loss.”
- “Is there anything I can do for you?”
- “I don’t know what to say, but my heart goes out to you.”
- “This must be a difficult time for you.”
- “I am sorry.”
- “I am here for you.”
San Diego Family Magazine
I wrote an article for the September issue of San Diego Family Magazine. The article, "Mourning a Pregnancy Loss: Steps to Help Move You Through the Grief Process," can be found online at: http://www.smpdigitaledition.com/publica
Homemade Carrot Soup: Yummy!
A farmer goes to my husband's work every week bringing organic produce. He gave Brian several bunches of carrots for free b/c the carrots were a little soft...they needed to be used soon. So, I'm making homemade carrot soup out of them and using Emeril's recipe. Every recipe I've used by Emeril is sooooooo fabulous! Try this one with me and let me know how yours turns out? I've got the chicken stock and carrots simmering now.
Ingredients
2 tablespoons butter
1 onion, chopped
1 tablespoon chopped garlic
2 apples, peeled, cored, and diced
4 carrots, peeled and cut into 1/4-inch pieces
1 cup white wine
1 quart chicken stock
1 teaspoon cumin
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Chopped chives, as garnish
Directions
Melt butter in a medium saucepan. Add onion and garlic and saute until softened, about 4 minutes. Add apple and carrots and saute for 2 minutes. Carefully add the white wine, chicken, stock, and cumin. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to a simmer and cook until the apples and carrots are soft, about 15 to 20 minutes. Remove from the heat and puree with an immersion blender or, in batches, in a blender. Season, to taste, with salt and pepper. Garnish with chives and serve.
2 tablespoons butter
1 onion, chopped
1 tablespoon chopped garlic
2 apples, peeled, cored, and diced
4 carrots, peeled and cut into 1/4-inch pieces
1 cup white wine
1 quart chicken stock
1 teaspoon cumin
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Chopped chives, as garnish
Directions
Melt butter in a medium saucepan. Add onion and garlic and saute until softened, about 4 minutes. Add apple and carrots and saute for 2 minutes. Carefully add the white wine, chicken, stock, and cumin. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to a simmer and cook until the apples and carrots are soft, about 15 to 20 minutes. Remove from the heat and puree with an immersion blender or, in batches, in a blender. Season, to taste, with salt and pepper. Garnish with chives and serve.
Infertility Resource: March of Dimes
Have you been trying to get pregnant for a months or even years? Do you wonder why it seems so difficult to conceive? Are you wondering if something is wrong with your partner's reproductive system or even your own?
If you have been trying to get pregnant for a year or more, then you and your partner may have infertility issues. Now, don't sound the alarms or panic. It could be something simple like you need estrogen/progesterone supplements, or maybe your guy needs to quit wearing tighty whities.
Make an appointment with your Ob-gyn and tell your man to visit a urologist to discover what might be preventing you from conceiving. In the meantime, if you want reliable information on the subject of fertility and pregnancy, check out the March of Dimes website. They have a lot of helpful information about preconception healthcare, pregnancy after 35, male infertility and much more.
All Joy and No Fun
Here's a good read for today.
"Most people assume that having children will make them happier. Yet a wide variety of academic research shows that parents are not happier than their childless peers, and in many cases are less so. This finding is surprisingly consistent, showing up across a range of disciplines. Perhaps the most oft-cited datum comes from a 2004 study by Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel Prize–winning behavioral economist, who surveyed 909 working Texas women and found that child care ranked sixteenth in pleasurability out of nineteen activities. (Among the endeavors they preferred: preparing food, watching TV, exercising, talking on the phone, napping, shopping, housework.)"
Read more: All Joy and No Fun
Photo: Jessica Todd Harper
Read My Article in WHOA Women Magazine
I am a contributing writer for WHOA Women Magazine and our latest issue just hit the stands! The entire issue is focused on grace and forgiveness. What do you do when you're angry with God? How do you forgive someone who has hurt you? When will the pain subside? Is it okay to be angry at God? These are questions many of us ask from time to time. Check out my article on page 45 in the online magazine. You can subscribe to the magazine for $12/year.
Let me know what you think of the magazine! Enjoy!
How to Beat the Blues During Fertility Challenges
1. Put on an apron and make a big batch of Pine Bark, a fabulous recipe by Paula Deen (see details below). Eat half a dozen and give the rest away to your friends and neighbors. Now, just because you're depressed doesn't mean you want to get chubby so don't go overboard on eating these things, because they are addictive! Believe me! They make great gifts wrapped in pretty packages and bows.
2. Schedule a day at the salon for a mani/pedicure. A little pampering is good for the soul! Invite a friend to go with you so you can catch up on the latest gossip!
3. Read a good book that's not about babies or getting pregnant. Find a funny book such as "The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love." It will make you laugh, and teach you a few things about crazy Southern women.
4. Take a walk around the neighborhood, park, lake, river, ocean....wherever you can get out and breathe in fresh air. Your soul needs it! Find a friend who will keep you company.
5. Most importantly...keep your social calendar full. Stay busy.
PINE BARK by Paula Deen
35 saltine crackers
1 cup butter
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon almond extract
5 (4-ounce) milk chocolate bars, broken into pieces
Here's how you do it: Put oven on 400 degrees F.
Line a large 1-inch jelly roll pan with tin foil. Spray foil with non-stick cooking spray.
Place saltine crackers, salty side up, in prepared pan. In a saucepan, boil butter and sugar for 2 to 3 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and stir in almond extract. Pour mixture over crackers and bake for 4 to 6 minutes. Remove from oven, top with candy bars, and spread evenly as chocolate begins to melt. Cool slightly and transfer onto waxed paper. Allow to cool completely. This is so yummy!!!! Enjoy!
"I Hear a Heartbeat"
Last night I was at a local club watching the Psychedelic Furs perform. Richard Butler is the lead singer, having originally created the band in 1977 with his brother and guitarist John Ashton. I remember hearing the Psychedelic Furs music for the first time when I was in high school. I watched the movie "Pretty in Pink" at least 20 times and loved the entire soundtrack. Needless to say the music brought back memories from high school. It seemed like only yesterday.
Then, the Furs sung another song I had never heard before titled "Heartbeat". One of the lines was, "I hear a heartbeat". That was the only line I could understand as the music blared in my ears and people cheered all around.
I never thought much about heartbeats, my heartbeat or other people's heartbeats, until I was pregnant. That one line in the song took me back to another place in time. I remember seeing my baby's heartbeat for the first time. It was an amazing moment. My baby's heartbeat was a little white flicker on the screen. It looked like a little star twinkling so bright.
Sadness filled my heart as I stood among hundreds of Psychedelic Furs fans. I wondered if I was the only one in the room thinking about sorrow and pain. As I looked around heads were nodding and people were throwing back beers. They all looked so happy and mellow. Not a worry in the world. I thought I want to be free from my memories. I don't want a simple lyric in a song to always remind me of my loss. When will this ever end? How long will I be reminded of the babies I lost?
I let out a long sigh and refocused on the band. The music. The vibrations of energy pulsing all around brought me back to the present moment. Loss stays with us, but in time it gets easier to let go and be present.
My reminder to self: focus on my blessings such as my health and the love and support of family and friends. Today I am especially thankful for the beautiful blue skies and the fact that I am healthy and able to play tennis, a sport that I truly love. I am thankful for the friends with whom I played tennis this morning and am thankful I have a full day ahead of me to be productive and continue working toward my personal goals.
What are you thankful for today?
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